Tuesday, February 8, 2011


Saturday I received a package from home. I had a feeling about what it was, and I was right. I couldn't bring myself to look at the scrapbook right away. I knew that a lot of love and time was spent on it and I wanted to give it my utmost attention. I avoided it Sunday and Monday, too...my heart just wasn't ready.

But today, I was overwhelmed by a longing for children I don't have. And I decided it was time to revisit some of those tough memories that I often keep at a distance.

The scrapbook immediately took me back to July of last year; the picture on the cover shows the day that we told my dad and stepmom that we were pregnant...with twins. The joy on our faces was obvious, and today as I remember that day 8 months ago, my heart broke again.

I loved being pregnant. Sure, it was rough at first - with the nausea and the lack of appetite and the exhaustion. But knowing that two little lives were forming inside my body was amazing and I relished it.

The next few pages of the scrapbook chronicled my growing belly, and cited some of my favorite scriptures about the miracle of our creation.

Then, there were the pictures of Joanna and Rita, and quotes from some dear songs that spoke to our hearts that week. Lastly, pictures of the temporary headstones at the cemetary...

And this poem:

We complain about the cross we bear but don't realize,
it's preparing us for a dip in the road that only God can see.

Whatever your cross, whatever your pain,
there will always be sunshine after the rain.

Perhaps you may stumble, maybe even fall,
but God's always ready to answer your call.

He knows every heartache, sees every tear,
a word from His lips can calm every fear.

Your sorrows may linger, throughout the night,
but suddenly vanish, at dawn's early light.

The Savior is waiting, somewhere above,
to give you His grace and send you His love.


Remembering is easy...the images and emotions from last October often come to mind. But having these memories compiled in such a special, thoughtful way means so much more. And knowing that I have special people in my life that remember with me...words cannot express the comfort in that.

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" ~Philippians 4:4

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